Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
