I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
