I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
