arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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