I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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