STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
