i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
