the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
