Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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