So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
