Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
