so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
