How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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