He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
