I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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