They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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