Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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