Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
