you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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