You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
