So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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