You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
