They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
That reminds me...we need to get swords
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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