just come out here and I will go home with you...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
