wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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