Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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