So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
