I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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