I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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