I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
