I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
