Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
