She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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