hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
