Define "chronic" masturbator.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
