i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
