where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Randomize
