we're chasing vodka with high fives
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
