hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I am never drinking with the goths again.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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