I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
