OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
