he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
