Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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