R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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