I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
