seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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