I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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