so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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