there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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