tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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