We should be called the Road Head Warriors
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
