we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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