People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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