i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
