I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
