He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
