Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
