Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
This house was built for laser tag.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
