3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
