If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
