I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
