Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
