Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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