Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
His nipple licking is glorious
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