all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
