So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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