Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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